Are you wondering how to move on after a breakup? Breakups are painful no matter which one of you initiated it. Even if it was mutual, there are always feelings of hurt and rejection when trying to process a breakup. Read on to learn why breakups are so hard, the emotional healing process, and how to create a positive outlook for future relationships.
Part 1: Understanding the Impact of a Breakup
As humans hugely rely on their social lives to survive and thrive, a breakup can lead to a lack of meaning and identity. You start wondering if there’s any point to life at all, which can throw you into a wallowing state of mind. When dealing with a breakup, you’ll experience four stages of grief, notes AstroInner love wizard Bryce, namely;
- Denial - You don’t believe the breakup is happening or believe the issues are solvable.
- Bargaining - Taking the blame and making promises to change or fix the relationship.
- Anger - You are angry at yourself, your ex, and the circumstances that led to the breakup.
- Depression - The reality creeps in, and suddenly, you’re in a deep-lingering sadness.
Breakups are hurtful, regardless of who ended the relationship. Eventually, you’ll move towards acceptance, where you’ll focus on your own life and future and probably love again.
Part 2: Immediate Steps to Take After a Breakup
Purge your house or apartment and remove reminders of your ex, like avoiding discussions that involve your ex, mutual friends, or places that remind you of them. You may also find yourself having to move to a new place. It’s natural to mourn what we lose in a relationship. So, feel free to climb into your bed, pull your covers over your head, and sob.
Ending a relationship means finding new hobbies or reinvesting in activities we didn’t prioritize during our relationship. When coping with a breakup, you can also try cognitive behavioral therapy(CBT), like journaling patterns of low self-esteem and refocusing on yourself when coping with a breakup. With time, support, reflection, and self-compassion, lead to healing.
Part 3: Healthy Ways to Cope With a Breakup
Regardless of how painful a breakup can be, there are healthier ways to deal with such an intense emotion, including;
- Acknowledge the pain - Part of your recovery after break up, actually the most crucial step, is to accept how you feel and allow yourself to grieve.
- Avoid distraction - I am not denying drowning my sorrows in a bottle of wine while binge-watching my favorite rom-coms. But it can be a very self-destructive tendency.
- Seek closure - Avoid the “talking to your ex” norm. Instead, find closure by talking with friends or writing a letter to your ex, as pouring out your feelings on paper is a sure way to heal.
- Practice self-care - Take a yoga class, journal, meditate, and listen to podcasts and music. You can even pamper yourself with a massage or sauna if it lifts your spirits.
- Connect with people - Never underestimate the power of a laugh. Take the time to hang out with your workmates after work, call your friends, or have dinner with family.
Part 4: Working Through the Emotional Healing Process
The truth is, expect healing to take time. Hence, understand your feelings, including shock, fear, anger, and sadness, and deal with them individually to start healing. Likewise, don’t over-analyze what went wrong or how you could have solved things; otherwise, you’ll be stuck in a limbo of emotions.
To help you feel better after a breakup, talk about the negative feelings with a friend, therapist, or mentor. Additionally, you can draw a thoughts-feelings-behavior triangle. The first triangle focuses on your present feelings and behaviors, like sadness and loneliness, whereas the other triangle focuses on your after-break-up experience and asks yourself what’s hindering progress.
Part 5: Creating a Positive Outlook for the Future
Though painful, a breakup won’t last forever, and you need to start focusing on your future self. According to Lover’sLight Kate from AstroInner, it takes about 11 weeks to heal from a breakup fully. Adjusting to your new normal can be difficult, but start investing in other parts of your life, like sticking to new habits, hobbies, and friendships.
Learning from your past relationship will be a great experience to work on yourself. In the process, open yourself up to new relationships that will better fulfill your needs and help you grow even more. It doesn’t have to be romantic but platonic friends who can foster your growth spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.
Part 6: Tips for Moving Forward in a Healthy Way
An essential part of moving on from a relationship and welcoming your new phase is reflecting on the relationship. Ask yourself how the relationship made you feel about yourself. Was it healthy or unhealthy, and what can you learn from how the relationship started and ended? That way, you’ll know what you want or don’t want to have in your next relationship.
Don’t start or maintain a platonic relationship with your former lover. It hinders moving forward as you’re always clinging on to some hope. Relationships are a two-way street. You did your best. It’s time to define what you want out of a relationship, how to find your special someone, and how to be a supportive partner to someone else.
Part 7: Seeking Professional Help If Necessary
While it’s normal for a breakup to stay for long until we are ourselves again, too much of it can be worrisome. If you’re struggling with friends, work, or school, please talk to someone, including a counselor, therapist, psychic expert, or tarot reader. Plus, you can call a free and confidential warmline and share your grievances.
Know you’re not alone when dealing with low energy, low motivation, and lack of enjoyment in your former hobbies or activities. Talking to someone nonjudgmental is the best form of closure. Additionally, if your work performance is impacted by mood, seek more support and care, most likely from your job counselor, workmate, or boss if you two are close or HR.
